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A Funny Thing Happened.......on the way to Election Day. Our sampler from the campaign season's follies:
"Did you see his eye twitch? That means he liked it."
"We're trying to get good pictures. Don't worry very much about
what I say."
"If we win convincingly in Louisiana, that process is going to
turn into an avalanche."
"It's the key to the kingdom. Lose there, and it can all dry up
on you."
"I was conservative before conservative was cool."
"[I am] encouraged by the experience of Kato Kaelin that it's
possible these days to get very well known very quickly."
"This guy lies, but he lies with passion. He lies with a certain
conviction."
"I was an Eagle Scout, and I pledged, 'On my honor, I will do my
best, to do my duty to God and my country."
"It really irritates me that a few people are purporting to
speak for me, stirring up this frenzy about my running for Vice
President."
"Let us, at least for the next 10 weeks--nobles and knights and,
yes, even the peasants with pitchforks--suspend our battles with
one another, and join together in the common cause: to defeat
Bill Clinton and Prince Albert, and dispossess them of all their
holdings east of the Potomac River."
"It's one thing to stay on message, Mr. Forbes, but if you're
going to keep saying the same thing over and over again, you
could issue a tape. Why bother campaigning?"
"Chicken Littles--I don't mean to take Chicken Little's name in
vain . . . these fear-mongering Washington inside lawyer
lobbyists, Chicken Roosters or Chicken Littles, whatever they
want to call themselves."
"I need to know the price of a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs,
now."
"Bob Dole is so old his insurance agent is John Hancock --not
the company, the guy."
"You always feel a little older in the morning. By noon, I feel
about 55."
"I can only tell you that I don't think Senator Dole is too old
to be President. It's the age of his ideas that I question."
"You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out.
That's a good-looking mummy!"
"In high school she dated Bob Dole."
"I see the President and the First Lady are not here--probably
some place testifying."
"America, it's time to wake up to President Clinton and his
high-taxing, free-spending, promise-breaking, Social
Security-taxing, health care-socializing, drug-coddling,
power-grabbing, business-busting, lawsuit-loving,
u.n.-following, fbi-abusing, irs-increasing, $200 haircutting,
gas-taxing, over-regulating, bureaucracy-trusting,
class-baiting, privacy-violating, values-crushing,
truth-dodging, Medicare-forsaking, property rights-taking,
job-destroying friends. And that's just in the White House.
"There is nothing wrong with Bob Dole's campaign that a good
economic plan, a good Veep choice, a good convention speech and
$74 million won't cure. "
"I said I'd pick a Vice President who rates a 10. But I did even
better. I picked one that had No. 15 on his jersey every day he
played football. So I got a 15."
"The Brooklyn Dodgers had a no-hitter last night, and I'm going
to follow what [Hideo] Nomo did. And we are going to wipe them
out between now and Nov. 5."
"To make matters worse, he kept saying, 'Where's Jackie
Robinson, why isn't he out there?"
"Jim, we must have made a wrong turn--this isn't San Diego."
"With all due respect, I am here to tell you, it does not take a
village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child."
"It takes a family, it takes teachers, it takes clergy, it takes
business people, it takes community leaders, it takes those who
protect our health and safety, it takes all of us. Yes, it takes
a village."
"Well, [Clinton's] better off than he was four years ago . . .
Saddam Hussein is probably better off than he was four years
ago."
"Americans know that Bill Clinton's promises have the life-span
of a Big Mac on Air Force One."
"When I fell off that podium in Chico, before I hit the ground,
I had a call on my cell phone from a trial lawyer saying, 'I
think we got a case here.' "
"I'd like to start by offering you a deal, Jack. If you won't
use any football stories, I won't tell any of my warm and
humorous stories about chlorofluorocarbon abatement."
"It's a deal. I can't even pronounce it."
"Well, maybe we bit off more than we could chew, but we're
pursuing a step-by-step reform now."
"In retrospect, if I were doing it all over again, we would
consciously avoid the government shutdown. It was clearly
wrong."
"[Ross] Perot said he will hold his own debate with himself.
That's the great thing about this country. Another country, if
you see a guy with a bad haircut on the street corner screaming
about a government conspiracy, you lock him up. Here he becomes
a presidential candidate."
"We have the worst economy in a century."
"The economy has never been better."
"Eight more days, and I can start telling you the truth again.
It's killing me, I'll tell you. I gotta lie [through] my teeth
to you every time I come on this show. It's driving me nuts."
"I not only voted for Clinton, I leaned over and kissed the
lever."
"You know, four years ago, nobody but nuclear physicists had
ever heard of the Internet. Today even my cat Socks has his own
Web page...I meet kids all the time who have been talking to my
cat on the Internet."
"I wonder sometimes what people are thinking about--if people
are thinking at all."
"It's the Animal House, it's no longer the White House . . . I
can't believe any thinking American--except the real
partisans--want four more years of this. "
"You look at what we tolerate in the White House . . . Is there
no sense of honor? Is there no sense of shame left in our great
country?"
"We have played by the rules."
"There's no question. A vote for Perot is a vote for Clinton."
"We all look forward with great pleasure to four years of
wonderful, inspiring speeches, full of wit, poetry, music, love
and affection plus more goddamn nonsense."
"Tomorrow will be the first time of my life I don't have
anything to do." More TIME This Week |
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